ok, story time – grab the hobnobs.
picture this; it’s me your girl, sitting down at my desk with a hefty glass of iced coffee (oat milk, obviously) with the intentions of preparing for a deep post graduate MacBook cleanse. Waving adios to the abyss of university documents aptly named ‘finalfinalfinal’, or ‘print this jen, you idiot’ and feeling a tingly sense of freedom with every neglected safari tab I close.
Each shortcut I’m dragging to my trashcan begins to chip away at my desktop wallpaper. The man himself, Shia Lebouf, frozen in time mouthing ‘just do it’ at me. Which I’d somehow completely forgotten about; there to serve me last minute motivation, but sadly lived a neglected life buried in all of my deadline panic. then it hits me, like a bat out of hell *lol*… I’m free! no more 3 am meltdowns about my workload because I chose to invest all of my time scrolling on tinder. No more student finance bail outs for when times were hard after a blurry weekend that indefinitely ended with a garlic and chips love affair and no more university… period. fuck, now what?
the grieving process.
whilst you would think a normal 22 year old living in newcastle would turn to celebrating freedom with cheap pints and a boogie. I somehow let a quarter-life crisis creep through the door and went through what i can only describe as some sort of grieving process. i lived on my sofa until my student tenancy ran out, binge watched many a netflix series and conspiracy videos on youtube, i even took a penchant to listening to damien rice, the most angelic but equally as depressing musician ever.
at one point my flatmate stepped into my room and there i was, complete zombie. wrapped up in a duvet burrito with hobnob remnants all around me, wearing a onesie in the middle of july, sobbing to oblivion. it was like going through some sort of break-up (i actually was at the time too) and i just didn’t know what to do with myself – a living breathing bridget jones.
though, thankfully, my degree results were great. i secured a job pretty much instantly and i’m blissfully riding the 9-5 life off into the sunset as a search and content executive (just don’t ask me about those 6am starts). and whilst, life isn’t all that bad at the moment, i can’t shake the feeling like there’s something missing. you know that feeling when you open a packet of grab-size walkers and you’re met with a few shoddy crisps at the bottom of the pile and a whole lot of crisp dust and air? that’s how i feel.
the light at the end of the tunnel.
i switched up my instagram theme a little (hated it instantly), i made the switch from blogger to wordpress (fancy, but equally too stressful to get my easily confused head around) and i even carved out a meticulous weekly plan for blog content and yep you guessed it. it was a big fat fail. my planner acted more as a big paper coaster for my coffee and biscuit crumbs.
but i’m still here,
just getting back into the groove and dusting off the old velvet spring cobwebs trying to find my chatty kathy self again. if my time spent self-loathing and feeling sorry for myself has taught me anything, it’s that my space on the internet is one i should be proud of. my blog alone landed me digital marketing interviews and even gave me a legs up at my current role – so i guess it isn’t all doom and gloom and i’m not giving up just yet.
ps. katie meehan took these photos and she’s a real talented egg, go have a little snoop on her blog. thanks for reading